Added: Tyffanie Sumler - Date: 10.09.2021 23:31 - Views: 13960 - Clicks: 3041
Can you miss someone you live with? The answer, most certainly, is yes. But, the truth is, I miss my wife. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine posted some guidelines to a healthy marriage that she came across. The first item on the list?
Your spouse is the most important person in your life. No matter what happens in your life— whether you have kids or not, or have a bunch of friends, your spouse comes first. I remember going through marriage prep with my wife, and talking to other married folks. They all said something similar. In order to make your marriage work, your spouse is your one person. Because you chose them, and they you, to partner with through life.
Unlike friends, other family, and even kids you may have had together, you each have chosen to share your life with your spouse. From that point on, the ups, downs, trials, and triumphs will be mourned or shared together. Sounds reasonable, right?
You can even say it once all your kids have moved out and moved on with their lives. I know my thoughts. When you have young children, prioritizing your spouse is not a given.
When you are responsible for human beings that cannot do anything for themselves to ensure their own survival, from eating, to sleeping, prioritizing another adult who can do all of those things for themselves seems…unnecessary. But this is how missing the spouse you live with, and are still married to, starts. Young children are a never ending assembly line of needs. Clothing again. Not to mention love and attention. Someone has to tend to all that. Oh, and one more thing.
Needs for sustenance, sleep, intellectual stimulation, humor, love, and companionship. Given that, how exactly do I square the need to put my spouse first? Sure, I could change every diaper, or wake up for every feeding to ensure my wife could relax and rest. Maybe I should. But she has something to say about all of that too.
She may decide to do the same for me, for the same reason. You I really miss my wife spend the same time and energy, or devote the same amount of thought to your spouse when you have someone else to attend to. Each are limited resources, and each is in short supply when you have small children. As a result, if you are truly going to overcome the paradox—prioritizing your spouse while prioritizing your children—you have to be operating on another level. Instead of looking at satisfying the lower order needs of your spouse, you look to meet their higher order needs. Presumably, when spouses have children, they each want them, almost more than anything else, to be healthy—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
So, in tending to the well-being of your children, you are, in fact, putting your spouse, and their highest order need—one they share with you by virtue of your shared children—first. Okay, great! The paradox is solved. Well, we could each get up early, before the kids wake up, and enjoy a cup of coffee together. Besides, we need all the sleep we can get just to function.
I suppose we could reconvene for some together time once we put the kids to bed at night. Alternatively, some folks suggest setting aside one day a week to go out as a couple. When is the working parent supposed to see his or her kids? When kids are young and bedtimes are early, those opportunities are few and far between. I know she misses her kids during the week.
I get that, and I want that for her. So, right now, I miss her. First, I have to continue to find ways to carve out time to be with her. That means taking no time for granted. This morning, we were with our kids walking to get coffee. They were in the stroller, and, miraculously, perfectly content. It only lasted 15 minutes, but we spent those fifteen minutes talking, as if it were just the two of us.
I have to do a better job of identifying and maximizing that time in the future. Second, I have to be willing to evolve my conception of my wife as she evolves as a woman by way of her I really miss my wife. I have a front-row seat to her growth as she nurtures our kids and acts as primary breadwinner. I should be reveling in that. Marveling in it, really. I get to see her become a more full version of herself, every day.
She, hopefully, witnesses the same with me. Sure, we might not get to interact as much, or in the same way as before, and that could lead to feelings of longing. My mantra in overcoming this phase? Maximize and appreciate. This was perfect. With a 1 mo I also understand the lack of time we get to spend with our spouses. Even if it comes as a sacrafice to you. You seem like a great husband, father and friend. Thanks for reading, thanks for your reply, and thanks for tweeting out. Apologies for all the typos. Much appreciated! Note: Header image courtesy of Pixabay. the newsletter Subscribe to get our latest content by .
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I Miss My Wife